More stories of empathy - Rita-Clare Leblanc

Here's another story from Blair of The Empathy Factory on acts of compassion and empathy in our community.  Not directly related to learning disabilities, but inspiring because these acts have nothing to do with academic ability, income or any of the other things society has deemed to be important.  Empathy and compassion are qualities that any of us can possess, and to share those gifts can make all of us feel "normal" "worthwhile" and "important" - simple attributes that our students seek every day.

Rhonda

By Blair J. Ryan 

Empathy is innate; you’re born with it. And though you start using it the minute you come out the womb, empathy is conspicuous in its difficulty to be easily understood. Synonymous with compassion, empathy is loosely defined as the ability to understand and enter into another’s feelings – it’s the thing that makes you cringe when you see a spider crawling up someone else’s arm. For some, however, connecting with their empathy later in life comes very easily. Below you’ll find the first chapter of what I predict to be a long, yet-unwritten book about the philanthropic adventures of one of Halifax’s finest young leaders of social change.

This is The Empathy Report:

RITA-CLARE LEBLANC

Rita-Clare LeBlanc has many of the same needs and desires as other 17 year old girls. She’s admitted to having asked Dear Santa for Lululemon, make-up, Apple accessories, and of course chocolate (not entirely unlike her cohorts), but it was one Christmas gift – less than two years ago – that has defined her early philanthropic endeavors. A gift of $77.12 from her Aunt and Uncle set her on her way.

The gift came with a caveat; Rita-Clare was instructed to take the sum of money, grow it, and do ‘something with it to help others.’ It was direction she took very seriously.

Throughout her life, Rita-Clare has been surrounded by generous and conscientious folks. She cites her mother, Faye, as her greatest inspiration. “I might not tell her enough, but I know how fortunate I was to have her stay home with us throughout Elementary. My sister and I saw a woman with as big a heart as you can imagine. Rarely a day went by when she wasn’t volunteering somewhere,” Rita-Clare said of her introduction to philanthropy.

As proof that the lessons we impart on our children sometimes stick, Rita-Clare took the $77.12, four close friends, and unabashed optimism and started a youth group that she calls MYST (Maritime Youth Standing Together). Their not-so-modest goal in the beginning was to raise enough money to build a school in Mali, Africa.

Lofty? Yup, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

A mere 18 months have elapsed, and MYST has already surpassed their original goal, having raised over $16,000 (which is enough for a school, a music program, a backpack program, and a well). Though it’s been a balancing act, being a grade 11 student , working a part-time job, and trying to save the world with fellow ‘MYSTies’, Rita-Clare still has all of her hair and slew of awards. She was presented with the Lieutenant Governor’s Award this year (at Halifax West) she’s also won a Citizenship Award (Fairview Junior High), but her greatest decoration to-date is having been named one of Youth in Motion’s Top 20 Under Twenty. Sixteen years old at the time, Rita-Clare was the second youngest, and the only Atlantic Canadian to win the prestigious award in 2011.

Because of gentle nudges from her family, $77.12, and a heart filled with empathy, Rita-Clare LeBlanc has set in motion a life-long journey of benevolence and giving. When I asked her if she ever takes time for herself, she replied very seriously, “why yes, I exercise all the time…” after a pause and with a clever grin, she continued, “philanthropy is my sport.” Stay tuned.                                                                  -B.

If you’d like to join MYST in their mission to inspire and help others learn about philanthropy, please visit www.7712.ca, or contact Rita-Clare directly at rita-clare@eastlink.ca.

Author, Blair J. Ryan, is Chief Executive Officer of the Empathy Factory, and can be reached at blair@empathyfactory.com.

Sharing stories of empathy - Garry Oliver

A few weeks ago, we introduced you to Blair J. Ryan and The Empathy Factory.   Blair has kindly shared some of his writing with me, and we thought you'd find his stories of empathy in our community inspiring.  Here is Garry Oliver's story.

Rhonda & the Bridgeway team

THE EMPATHY REPORT

By Blair J. Ryan

Empathy is everywhere, in everything we do. Last night, when you watched George Costanza get caught eating an éclair from the trash during a Seinfeld re-run, you may have felt embarrassed for him. In fact, the feeling may have been so intense you were forced to look away. That feeling – of embarrassment for someone else – is called empathic distress, and very few are immune to it (hint: this is a good thing; we’re soft-wired to experience others’ emotions as our own).

This is The Empathy Report:

GARRY OLIVER

When a ten year old, terminally ill girls asks – as her dying wish – to see what Heaven looks like before she dies so that she can, ‘get an idea of where she’ll be spending the rest of her time,’ you’re naturally inspired to do whatever you can to help. Empathy takes over.

When faced with this situation, Garry Oliver – co-founder of Coalition for Kids International (CFKI) – rose to the challenge. Against all odds (and possibly a few laws), Garry chartered a helicopter, landed in young Sylwia’s backyard and flew her to ‘Heaven’. That is, he took her straight up… up… up… and above the brilliant white cumulus clouds; a thick layer of which made it impossible to see the ground below.

Exactly as she'd imagined Heaven, Sylwia was at peace, and able to pass on to her next life with the confidence that she was off to a better place.

These are the types of stories Garry takes great pleasure in telling with lively gestures and a comely British accent. With his wife Kamila, Garry sends groups of teenagers from Canada to Poland to grant wishes and bring to life the fantasies of terminally ill children. Wishes range from digital cameras and iPods, to trips to see celebrities and professional athletes.

Coalition for Kids International calls these missions to Poland ‘Journeys for a Lifetime,' and the youth, aged 14-23, who take part could not agree more.

Garry sometimes travels with the children on their journeys, but if he isn’t in the sky or in Poland, he is in Halifax raising awareness and funds for his cause. CFKI was founded in 2006 with the belief that its programs could teach empathy, positivity, and humility in youth. The goal is to give perspective to the youth they send away, but the impact has been felt at a community level back here in Canada. Garry tells me that when the kids return home, they’re changed; Coalition for Kids is creating young leaders and ambassadors of all things ‘good.’

With over 2,000 wishes granted already, Garry and Kamila hope to make the Journeys for a Lifetime program available to younger children and to youth from all across North America. After fulfilling so many fantasies, you might wonder if it ever gets old; if one becomes desensitized to the act.

No. Not ever.

The 2,000th was no more or less special than the first. Garry is in the business of watching youth grow and develop, so when he see’s someone like Allison have a transformational moment, he too is touched deep within the reaches of his heart. Allison went to Osiek to grant Lidia her wish. All Lidia asked for was an iPod. To most 16 year Canadian girls, the idea of an iPod is fairly uninspiring, but to this terminally-ill young girl, it appeared tantamount to a clean bill of health.  When she presented Lidia with her iPod, the look on her face – her genuine elation – changed Allison forever.

In that moment, Allison recognized that she had a very important piece of business to attend to. Upon her arrival at the Halifax international Airport, Allison embraced her mother, and with tears streaming down her face apologized. Why would an apology be the first words out of her mouth? She apologized for taking her mother for granted, and she asked forgiveness for an incident that took place the previous Christmas. Allison said,

“I’m so sorry mom, all I could think about these last few days was how I said, ‘I asked for a pink one’ when I opened my iPod at Christmas. I’m so sorry I took you for granted.”

How could anyone ever get tired of these stories? It’s absolutely clear that Garry and his wife are only getting started. The Journeys for a Lifetime give Nova Scotia’s youth the opportunity to make a complete 180 degree change in their lives and views; we can only hope that our children will be lucky enough to cross paths with Garry and his inspirational friends at Coalition for Kids International.

-B.

To learn more or get involved with the Coalition For Kids International, visit www.coalitionforkids.ca or contact Garry at garry@coalitionforkids.ca.

Author, Blair J. Ryan, is Chief Executive Officer of the Empathy Factory, and can be reached at blair@empathyfactory.com.

Raising Compassionate Kids with ADHD and LD

We're going to stick with the theme of compassion and empathy for one more day, and share an article we found on www.additudemag.com about compassion and ADHD and the benefits that fostering compassion and empathy can help with self-esteem.  (Lessons that apply equally to kids with LDs!)

Enjoy!

Rhonda & the Bridgeway team

Raising Compassionate Kids with ADHD

by Carol Brady, Ph.D.

Children with attention deficit disorder can be just as caring as other kids. But because of their poor impulse control and short ADHD attention spans, they sometimes come across as aloof or self-centered.

That was the case with 10-year-old Rachel (not her real name). Rachel's parents brought her to see me because they were concerned about their daughter's apparent lack of empathy. "Rachel doesn't care about anyone," they told me. "She's selfish and rude, even though we've done everything we can to help her change."

It was clear from the first few visits that Rachel was feeling hopeless about herself. She was so used to receiving help that it never occurred to her that she might be capable of caring about (or doing things for) other people. Once I helped convince her that she was capable of helping others, her outlook turned around. She became much happier.

Parents As Models

It goes without saying that children learn from what they see and experience at home. If you'd like to raise a caring, helpful child, be sure to express gratitude for jobs well done by every member of the family. "Thanks for setting the table," you might say. "You really helped me out by giving me some time to rest today," or "That kitten really purred when you petted her so gently."

Some parents worry that making a big deal about thanking a non-ADD sibling might alienate the child who has ADD. Not so. As long as you express thanks to everyone in the family, you have nothing to worry about.

Another way to teach compassion is to change the way you correct problem behavior. For example, instead of "I told you to stop - now look what happened," you might say, "You made a mistake. What can you learn from it? Together, I'm sure we can come up with a plan."

The key is to use a firm yet caring tone of voice and choice of words, rather than yelling or issuing threats or insults. Often, I urge parents to couch their disapproval in terms of puzzlement or curiosity: "Oh no, not again. I'm confused by your behavior because this is not how I see you" or "What do you imagine caused this situation?"

Make sure your child gets a chance to see you helping other people. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Saying, "I'm going to help grandma fix her garden," or "Your uncle needs my help in moving some boxes today," and then bringing your child along will teach generosity and responsibility better than any lecture can. If you're donating outgrown clothes and toys to less fortunate families, let your child help pack the boxes.

Fostering Self-Esteem

Like Rachel, many of the children who come to my office have low self-esteem and are convinced that they have little to offer to the world. On the contrary! With a little help, kids with ADHD often turn out to be more compassionate than other kids.

Some of the children I've worked with - including Rachel - have proved to be extraordinarily compassionate toward younger children. Others are good at taking care of and being loving to animals. Each time you notice and praise acts of kindness by your child, you help boost her self-esteem - and that encourages her to be even more interested in others. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So get in the habit of "catching" your child "giving back" to others. Be sure to let him hear you tell grandpa that you noticed some pretty amazing behavior that day. (Even the smallest act is worthy of praise - for example, letting someone else sit in the "best" seat in the car.)

I recall how one patient of mine began our session by informing me, "Today is Dr. Brady Day, and you get to pick the game." Being able to honor me made this girl feel good about herself. She helped me to realize that giving back to others helps all of us feel good about ourselves.

Opportunities to Help Others

As you demonstrate how you give back to the community, help your child find opportunities to do likewise.

If you're worried that your child might have trouble behaving appropriately in a conventional volunteer situation (a hospital or community center, for example), look for special situations: One nine-year-old I know became her big sister's "special assistant" in caring for a pig to be entered in a livestock show.

In another case, a preteen who had difficulty behaving in big crowds helped set up tables for an event before the guests arrived. He was ecstatic when he saw his name listed in the program under the heading "Volunteers who made tonight's event possible."

Volunteer opportunities are plentiful in most communities. Some teens I know have enjoyed working for Habitat for Humanity or for hospitals that have well-structured volunteer programs. These youngsters have told me that they really enjoy helping others and that the rewards they reap cannot be counted in dollars and cents.

At this point, you may be thinking, "But Dr. Brady, you don't know my child. He can't even get to school on time, much less become an example of altruism." Well, here's a chance to prove me wrong. My experience has convinced me that almost any child can become a sensitive, caring individual.
The key is to live your values rather than to lecture about them - and to value your child for who he is.

The Empathy Factory

I love it when I get to connect our organization with other organizations that believe in the potential of kids.  Last year, I stumbled on a Halifax-based organization called The Empathy Factory.  The brain child of Blair Ryan and Stefanie Shute (and supported by an impressive list of volunteers), the organization seeks to help children tap into their innate generosity and empower them to change the world, one project at a time.

Blair is coming to our school later today to meet with our staff, introduce the program and get the team on board as we prepare to get our students involved.  I'll blog along over the next several months and ask our students to share their thoughts and inspirations.  In the meantime, here's a little bit more information  Blair shared with me on The Empathy Factory.  Their website launches tomorrow (congratulations!!), and they have a Facebook page where you can learn more as well. 

Rhonda


The Empathy Factory

About Us:

We empower children to take action and make to the world a better place. Our leadership inspires and challenges youth to tap into their empathy and create social change. Children are often 'accused' of having unabashed optimism, but this is exactly what we promote. The Empathy Factory was founded on the belief that by instilling empathy in our youth, injustices will be stopped, communities transformed and hope inspired.

Mission

The mission of the Empathy Factory is to instill a sense of empathy and a philanthropic spirit in Nova Scotia's youth.

Vision

To build a generation of generous, conscientious humanitarians. To empower children to effect the world and be socially conscious global citizens.

Values

Leadership, Inspiration, and Positive Change

The Empathy Factory is an organization with the authority to lead, the creativity to inspire and the will to initiate positive social change.

Innovation, Collaboration, and Empowerment

Through strategic collaboration and empowerment of our youth, the Empathy Factory will inspire a generation of proactive and innovative philanthropists.

Our Beliefs

At the Empathy Factory, we believe that children are innately generous, and that they have some of the most altruistic and wonderful ideas to help their friends, family, community, and the world. If there is anything that consistently slows them down from being the change, it's that they lack certain resources. Sometimes that's money, sometimes it's support, and sometimes it's even the belief in themselves. In consideration of this, we've created a program where children can pursue their philanthropic ideas and never have to look back! Read on to hear how we do it:

The Process

We visit schools throughout Nova Scotia and deliver workshops on the value of volunteering, philanthropy, and related topics to children aged 8-15. We then challenge them to submit ideas that will better their communities in the categories of Health, Environment, Social Justice and/or Education. The top one or two ideas at each school receive the full support and mentorship of the Empathy Factory staff and volunteers throughout the execution of their ideas. Upon completion of the projects, we ensure that each student involved submits a reflection of their learning outcomes, successes, and failures.

The Outcomes

Our programs have been developed to foster learning in areas deemed to be desirable curricular outcomes by the Nova Scotia Department of Education. To that end, you can see below a sample (based on Grade 8 curriculum) of outcomes that our workshops address:

Citizenship - Worldly look at political, economic, and social systems; discuss human rights issues; identifying the principles and actions of just societies

Communication - Explore, reflect on, and express personal ideas/learnings/perceptions/feelings; create and present instructions/processes clearly, logically, concisely, and accurately; critically reflect on and interpret ideas presented through a variety of media

Personal Development - Students are empowered to make the transition to work and further learning; make decisions and assume responsibility for them; work and study purposefully; demonstrate understanding of the relationship between health and lifestyle; demonstrate intellectual curiosity, and entrepreneurial spirit, and initiative; reflect critically on ethical issues

Problem Solving - Formulate ideas and question their own assumptions and those of others; solve problems individually and collaboratively; ask questions, observe relationships, and draw conclusions; use a variety of strategies and perspectives with flexibility and creativity for solving problems.