Angela's advice - Should my child have a tutor?

With a myriad of options out there when it comes to tutoring services, we're delighted to offer some advice from our own Angela Rudderham on deciding when your child might need the support of a tutor - and what you should be looking for.

The Bridgeway Team

By Angela E. Rudderham
Director, Turning Tides Community Outreach

Every parent wants their child to succeed in school and have a future full of opportunities and possibilities.  We send them to school each day with all their supplies and a balanced lunch and trust our educators will work to develop our child’s true potential and foster in them a desire to learn. 

Unfortunately, the reality is that not every child’s true potential is unlocked from simply attending school.  In fact, 15-year-olds in Nova Scotia scored statistically lower in academics than the Canadian average, according to Statistics Canada.   Math and literacy scores in Nova Scotia are among the lowest in the country, and the Nova Scotia dropout rate in 2010 was 8.6%.  Only 28% of students from Nova Scotia will go on to university and 8% will go on to a college or trade education. Our children need other supports to ensure their success.  The question is, when are additional supports necessary, and what form should they take?

Tutoring is an excellent way to build academic confidence, improve grades and learn new skills.

You may want your child tutored if:

Your child still needs help mastering basic skills.  Teachers will move forward whether your child has mastered the skill or not. If basic skills are not mastered, then the student will struggle when relying on them to solve more complex problems. These skills need to be re- taught until mastered.

Your child struggles with organization, working independently, or lacks study skills. Often the brightest students who learn quickly may lack organizational skills or become overwhelmed when faced with a testing situation. Anyone can benefit from learning how to organize notes, break down large assignments, meet due dates or discover how they best take in information.

Your child has a learning disability.  This will interfere with the learning process in areas such as the intake, storage, processing, retrieval and/or output of information. A tutoring service that has extensive experience and training in helping students with learning disabilities should be able to show the student how they learn best and provide strategies for independent success.

Your child is struggling with big life changes.  A move, divorce, new school, family issues can all contribute to your child being distracted from their school work. Working closely with a tutor will ensure a smoother transition.

Your child struggles with behavioral, social or emotional needs.  Often these needs can contribute to missed instruction time. A tutor with experience working with students who have had similar needs will often have a large tool box of strategies to draw from to keep your child engaged and on track.

Your child has missed a lot of school due to medical or other reasons. A tutor can go back and teach what was missed and help the student gain back the confidence that they may have lost. They can also work around the student’s schedule.

You want to give your child the competitive edge to get ahead.  There is always room for improvement. Striving to do our personal best is an excellent habit to develop at any age.

Your child needs homework support.  Parents, homework and the student can sometimes be an unpleasant combination to say the least. In most homes, both parents are working or have other major responsibilities and there just isn’t time to give your child the homework support they need without it taking on a rushed or negative tone. Let someone else be the “bad “guy and save your parent/ child time for the important stuff like hugs and kisses.

The right tutoring service will be able to match your child’s needs with the right service. They should understand the importance of rapport building between the student and the tutor. The tutor should be willing to work with your child’s teacher, provide regular updates and reports, and improvements should be noticed after a few months. Be wary of services that will not let you observe or listen in on sessions at least once or have no way to measure the acquisition of new skills. There is little doubt that anyone can benefit from tutoring.  Do your homework and shop around.  Ask questions and compare services and prices until you find the right fit.

Angela Rudderham is the Director of Turning Tides Community Outreach, a community-based organization providing social, behavioural and organizational support to individuals across Nova Scotia.  For more information on tutoring, social skills, parenting and professional development programs offered by Turning Tides, please visit www.turningtides.ca or call 902-404-TIDE (8433).

Strategies for parenting children with non-verbal learning disabilities

We work with several children with non-verbal learning disabilities, and have developed programs such as our social skills classes to help meet their needs.  Still, many people don't understand what NLD is and how it can affect a child.  This is a great article on the topic I found on the Smart Kids with LD website.  Enjoy!

Rhonda

Strategies for Parenting Children with NLD

By Marcia Eckerd, Ph.D.

Nonverbal Learning Disabilities (NLD) are not just learning disabilities; the motor, sensory, and social issues associated with NLD affect life on every level. Children with the condition have difficulty combining information coming at them from many different channels—visual, auditory, sensory—into a “big picture” that they can understand and use. For them, life is an endless series of curve balls—and for their parents that means a unique set of child-rearing challenges.

5 Keys to Parenting a Child with NLD

1. Anticipate: Know the challenges of NLD and predict problems.
2. Understand: Think about your child’s behavior from his point of view.
3. Plan: Develop strategies for handling predictable situations.
4. Be consistent in your responses and your support.
5. Reinforce: Catch her doing it right.

Dealing with Inflexibility

The most frequent issues parents face from children with NLD are inflexibility and poor adaptability, both of which result from processing limitations. These children can be stubborn, disobedient, and argumentative. Confronting these behaviors head-on can make the situation worse: modeling inflexibility is not the best way to teach children to be flexible.

Children with NLD like structure and often have trouble transitioning. In addition, they can seem selfish, insisting on what they expect. For example, Adam complained when he couldn’t go for ice cream as planned; his sister needed to go the doctor. His reaction didn’t indicate a lack of caring; it was his way of coping with another curve ball (change in plans). Communicating understanding of the child’s view is important, while also doing what is necessary.

Parenting strategies:

• Communicating understanding is critical. Approach inflexibility with empathy (“I know you want X”), while also clarifying what is necessary (“We also need to do Y”).
• Preview transitions.
• Agree upon rules for repeated problem situations.
• Reinforce success.

Preventing Meltdowns

Children with NLD can be easily overwhelmed when routines vary, even in positive situations such as birthday parties or vacations. Knowing your child’s limits from past experience, being aware of extenuating factors (tiredness, hunger), and recognizing the early signs of frustration are important.

Parenting Strategies

• Preview the situation.
• Plan a way out, and intervene with redirection or a break for self-calming at the first sign of frustration. It’s too late once the blowup occurs.

Coping with Social Challenges

Children with NLD miss nonverbal signals that make up 70-90% of emotional communication. They don’t realize when their behavior is annoying, miss signals of what others intend, and lack “big picture thinking” to understand social situations. They can misinterpret the behavior of others, be unaware of the impact of their own behavior, be inappropriate, or overreact.

As a result of such social misunderstanding, children with NLD are particularly vulnerable to bullying and having their actions misunderstood. Even family members can be offended by such behavior.

Parenting strategies:

• If bullying is taking place, take action to stop it.
• Parents must be vigilant about pursuing their child’s rights and explaining NLD processing to those who interact with their child regularly.
• Help family members understand the situation—and if they won’t, realize that their advice is going to be off base.
• Blaming or punishing a child for what he doesn’t understand is not helpful. Better to preview situations, talk through strategies, and process what happened.

Other Challenges

Children with NLD can be surprisingly concrete in their thinking—missing jokes, inferences, figures of speech, and subtleties such as tone of voice and exaggeration. Because these children are so verbal, their misunderstanding may come across as “attitude.” It’s not; they don’t “get” what they have missed.

Parenting Strategy

• Be direct, and understand the frustration when they misunderstand or are misunderstood.

Children with NLD tend to have poor spatial awareness, making it hard to gauge where other people are and “personal space.” They can be in your face or intrusive. The lack of special awareness also makes it difficult to play sports where getting to the ball and doing something with it are key (soccer, football, tennis, etc.).

Parenting Strategies

• Use a hula hoop or the idea of a circle to explain how people respond when someone’s too close.
• Encourage activities such as swimming or martial arts where visualizing space isn’t an issue.

Most children with NLD are lovely, sweet kids. Their challenges get in their way, making life hard for their parents. But it’s even harder for the children themselves. They want nothing more than to feel accepted and to please, and they are often misunderstood and criticized.

The author is an evaluator, consultant, and therapist who specializes in working with children with NLD. 

Succeeding with ADHD - Tips from Michael Phelps' Mom

Ever watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on TV?  Remember watching the 2004 Summer Olympics in amazement as Michael Phelps won eight medals - six of them gold?  You were watching two ADHDers lead successful lives.  Ever wonder how they did it - and what their parents went through?  Read this fantastic article with interviews with three mothers whose children have gone on to some huge achievements.

Enjoy!

ADHD Parenting Advice from Michael Phelps' Mom


What does it take to succeed despite attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD)?

It takes hard work, for starters — a willingness to meet challenges head-on. It takes support from family members, teachers, therapists, and coaches. And, of course, it’s hard to overstate the benefits of ADHD medication.

But, of all the ingredients needed to make a happy, successful life, nothing is more important than good parenting. Behind almost every ADHD success story is a devoted parent (or two). In honor of mothers, let’s give credit where credit is due — and heed their ADHD parenting advice.

The three mothers profiled here helped their sons and daughters achieve great things — more than they could have imagined. Steadfast and resourceful, they saw strength where others saw weakness, and kept looking for ways to help their children after others were ready to give up. Let their stories inspire you!

Read more on the ADDitute Magazine website.

Positive Parenting for Tired Parents

To gain control of the situation, we must first gain control of ourselves

By Angela Rudderham, Director of Behaviour and Social Skills, Bridgeway Academy

You love them, provide for them, sacrifice for them, and have at least twenty years of life experience over them; however, this alone probably won’t save you from dramatic statements such as, “You’re ruining my life.” If you have children, then you’re probably worried constantly about doing the right thing for them. This can be mentally and physically exhausting on you and your entire family. Here are a few tips to accomplishing more parenting with less energy.

Find your magic silent voice
Have there been times during parenthood when you’ve felt like the teacher on a Charlie Brown cartoon? It’s as if your child is only hearing, “Wa wa wa wa wa” when you speak. There are a few reasons for this. On average, we give our children over 2000 compliance requests a day - get ready, put your shoes away, wash your hands, use a tissue etc. The result? They’re really good at tuning us out.

It’s been my experience that the more a parent nags and yells the less a child will listen. Like the Elvis song says, “a little less conversation, a little more action,” might be the solution. When you need your child to do something, start with a calm, polite request. If the child doesn’t act, make the request again, but also tell him what will happen if he chooses not to comply. Do not repeat this request more than once.

If the child still doesn’t comply, calmly and silently follow through on the consequence you said would happen. Here’s an example. “Johnny, I need you to pick up your toys in the next five minutes.” Set a timer for him for 5 minutes. You notice there are 60 seconds left and Johnny has not moved. Now you say in a very calm and quiet voice, “Johnny, I need you to pick up your toys in the next minute. If you don’t, it shows you are not able to take care of them and mommy will have to take them away for a few days.”

If he hasn’t acted by the time the timer runs out, then quietly and kindly pick up the toys. If he is upset and protesting simply do not engage in reasoning and bargaining or explaining again. You can empathize in one short sentence. “I really wish you had made the right choice because mommy doesn’t like to see you sad and angry.” Do not have any further discussion. Remember the goal is energy conservation.

All serious requests should be done by lowering your voice rather than raising your voice. If you look at history’s greatest leaders, you’ll notice that they used dramatic pauses and lowered their tone and volume to hold their listeners’ attention. Yelling will only exhaust you and prevent your child from hearing your voice.

Stop feeling guilty about having to work

We live in a busy world and have responsibilities and obligations outside the home. You should not feel guilty about modeling a productive lifestyle to your child as long as you are fully present when spending time with your child. It truly is about quality over quantity. Children know when you are pretending to listen or if your mind in on something else. This why you can be with them for hours every day and still hear your child say, “You never spend any time with me.”

If this is the only type of interaction your children have with you, their self-esteem may suffer. They will also quickly realize they can receive your full attention when you are angry. Negative attention is better than no attention. Instead, set aside definite quality time with your child. It can be 15 minutes a day or a full Saturday. What matters is that you don’t try to multi-task. Trying to answer the phone, check your email or do the dishes will take away from your ability to focus on your child.

Also remember not to judge your child during your time together. Remember, feelings are never wrong. For example, if your child complained of, “never getting to have fun,” trying validating her feelings by asking what types of activities she thinks would be fun instead of providing examples of why that isn’t true. When parents feel guilty, they have a tendency to over indulge their child. They may allow poor behaviour or expensive gifts so that the child will not be mad at them. This does not teach the child responsibility or love.

Do not engage
Young people will often test the person in charge. When they aren’t satisfied with the final word, they may argue, throw fits or bring up new or past issues. Don’t take the bait. When you become upset or rattled you have lost your authority. More importantly, the issue is lost in a pile of shouts and accusations that usually end with slamming doors and soaked pillows. This is very emotionally draining and is not teaching assertive communication.

When your child starts to raise their voice, insult or be disrespectful in any way, you need to remain calm and end the conversation. Your child will learn quickly that she cannot communicate with you in an aggressive way because she will lose her audience. Simply say, “When you are able to speak properly to me you can try again,” and leave. You are then truly controlling the situation and saving yourself a lot of energy.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world but it doesn’t have to be as stressful as we sometimes make it. Remember to stay calm and use your problem-solving skills rather than raw emotion.
If you would like more positive parenting tips check out Bridgeway Academy’s workshop series.